Writing For the Internet, Can We Read Emotions?
Posted: Saturday, July 24, 2010
by Jean Horst
For thousands of years, human beings have been having nearly all verbal conversations face to face. Written forms of communication developed sometime later than that but were used primarily for recording events, stories, business transactions and/or to keep in touch with someone far away.
The notion of having conversations in written form is a very new concept - unique to the internet age of chat rooms and comment threads and instant messaging. It is different from the days of writing letters sent by mail where you knew you had to convey an entire concept or thought on the page and then wait for a complete reply at some later date.
Let me try to explain it this way. If you and I meet on the street and I say, " How are you? " , you can see my facial expression and hear my tone of voice. You can see my smile and hear my friendly question. You will respond to my body language and all the subtle things that go with it. You won't even realize you are doing it. It's what we learn starting in infancy looking at our mother's face before we know the noises are supposed to mean something. It's communication.
You would know without even thinking about it whether or not I'm really interested in your answer just by my voice inflections and you would respond accordingly.
Here's the interesting rub I've noticed now that conversations have gone to written form: when you are I are talking on the street, MY emotions and actions control the tone of our interaction but when all of that is taken out of the equation and you are only left with the printed text, YOUR emotions will control the tone. You will read into what I've written based almost completely on how YOU feel at the moment you read it.
In the same vein, I've noticed that logging in to check the comments on my articles when I am tired and/or stressed is a bad idea. I will see almost everything in a negative context because I feel negatively and so I will have a much greater chance of viewing what you say negatively. I have to work at not projecting my voice/emotions on to yours. If I come back to the very same comments after I've had a rest I may very well see them in a completely different light.
Even if your comment IS negative, I am much more likely to escalate the whole thing into a major confrontation if I'm not in a good place myself. Theres a much greater chance I'll blast you back and then regret it later. If I wait a while, I'll probably handle it with much more grace.
In order for us to adapt to this new paradigm, we all will have to learn that we can't assume the reader is going to know we are teasing or using sarcasm to make a point. We need to work at clearly stating intent. (There's a reason the little smiley face and other emoticons are so popular). Then again, as readers, we need try asking for clarification instead of assuming an attack is being made.
It's also important to make an effort to read our writing from a neutral standpoint. Write your comment and then try to read it without that voice in your head putting in non-verbal nuances and see if you need to add anything for clarity. Some of us are MUCH better at this than others. I am by nature a verbal communicator which puts me at a disadvantage. I " hear " my voice in my head when I write so I automatically assume you can hear too when you read it later. This sort of assumption has lead to some pretty major knock-down, drag-out, brawling around here. :)
Those of you who are by nature not verbal are probably reading this and thinking you don't know what I'm talking about because you very likely do this instinctively and let me say, I envy you so much! Keep up the thoughtful, reasoned, measured writing and commenting while the rest of us catch up.
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More commentsThere goes that brain again, lying to you. I really like your thoughtfulness. Now tell your brain to stop worrying about what your writing or whether anyone will understand it the way that you want them to. Like you say there are some misunderstandings, but the comments are there to clear them up. I'm pretty verbal, but there are plenty of misunderstandings about what I say. Biff, bang, smash #%@X&!!. ;-)Great article.BobP.S. I'm really good at cocktail time!Haha, Bob! Thanks for the chuckle - I will take your advice.
Beautifully put - I have been known to write"I am saying this with a soft voice and a sad heart" to defuse ahead of time someone taking the written words the wrong - need to remember to do that more often myself! Would save much angst on the part of all - your article is very, very pertenent to life and SW (and I still cannot spell)Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, Marijo. If we all put in a little extra effort, we'll get a big payoff.
Hi Jean.I get so many cues from body language that I really do not like to talk on the phone. I feel out of touch and uncertain about what a person is trying to convey just from voice and words alone. I've always felt a bit stunted in this area. So for me, to communicate in writing has been a challenge. I've tried hard through choice of word and sentence structure to convey what I am feeling. I do like to use the smiley [:)] now and then.Anyway, I know just what you are talking about. And I too have had to come back to a comment on an article later. But you know, I think this struggle to be understood is one of the things that has helped me to be a better writer.Well, I've enjoyed your article and the things it's made me think about. Oh, and I can't imagine you getting confrontational. :)Hugs,DianneThanks for your vote of confidence, Diane. :) I've been known to "get confrontational" occasionally...I'm like you, I really prefer face to face conversation. I use all the non-verbal cues as well. I have to write, rewrite, read, and reread before I post something. I think I've gotten pretty good at it and you're right, it has made me a better writer.
Just what are you implying Mrs. Bruce! LOL -Very well said. Great explanation and helpful hints. You communicate effectively in print as well.Blessings to you! TYou know exactly what I'm implying! LOL ;)Thanks for stopping by, T - good to see you here!
I'm sure there are lots of misunderstandings due to misread 'emotions' with texting, emailing and msg-ing. (I hear my voice in my head too Jean.) I know I've answered some Q & A with the first thing that's come to my mind and at the time thought it was pretty funny, only to pray later that people saw the humour in my reply. Sometimes people get it, sometimes they don't. Keeps things interesting here on SearchWarp, sometimes the comments are as entertaining as the articles themselves. Great article Jean, one I think we can all relate to.I appreciate your thoughts, Brianna. Always nice to hear your voice in my head.... wait. I think that's my voice, never mind.
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)I understand completely!Hard to misinterpret smiley faces!! Thanks Jean.
I think that interpreting emotions online is difficult because it depends on how you interpret the message and who it's from. For instance, if someone you don't know writes,"Hey dude, you need to get on the ball with your writing." How do you interpret that, unless you already know them. Simple things like that.You are exactly right, James. When someone is a stranger, we have no basis in which to know their tone or personality that's why it's so easy to misunderstand. It requires us all to make a concerted effort to clarify, for instance, saying, "Hey dude, you need to get on the ball with your writing because I really like it and want to read more from you." or "Hey dude, you need to get on the ball with your writing, you have great thoughts but a little tweaking of your style would help you express yourself more clearly." something like that. Thanks for commenting.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Great Articles!Thanks so much!
I hate misunderstanding communication through writing and this can be all the more difficult when it comes to understanding the writing style of a person belonging to another culture, as you mentioned it to Yosef. That's because people like myself, and others "think" in their native language and translate it directly into English which leads to the misunderstanding. I have also with time learned to adopt a more patient approach towards this, as I often misunderstand my girlfriend who's German by the way. :-) Let me tell you, she's afraid of writing letters to me..haha!Oh, DM! I can't believe I missed this comment. My apologies for no responding right away! I always enjoy your thoughtful and insightful input. I hate to be misunderstood verbally or in writing as well. I'm much better face to face. I hope you and your girlfriend are making it work! :) Thanks for reading and commenting!
Interesting point Jean. I remember when I began writng not so many years ago the little negative genie in my head was telling me, "what are you doing you cannot write". I actually went through a period of writing very badly, like talking through clenched teeth.
From personal experience writing naturally, which in turn hopefully conveys emotion, opinion, conviction and with luck some useful information is something that seems to gradually evolve. Your article for example flows very naturally, it does not feel like you are writing through clenched teeth for example, merely expressing an observation and inviting a response.It does take time and perseverance to get the voice in your head to match what you want to be perceived by your readers. I think some are more naturally gifted at it. I had to work to make it so. Thanks for commenting!
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