How I Honor My Dad This Father's Day
Posted: Sunday, June 08, 2008
by Jean Horst
I'm taking care of my dad now. He would hate to hear me say that. The aging process has been hell for him and he's fought it with all his strength. He's become more accepting now that he can't win, his sharp, inquiring mind increasingly trapped in a failing body. Arthritis is in control of his choices now. The once active, endlessly exploring person becoming content to explore in his mind through television's depictions of far-off places and people.
He was never one to lecture or pontificate. But he was one for conversation and discussion. I was astonished to find as an adolescent that other kid's parents did not ask them what they thought about world events or spiritual things. It was a regular occurance at my house. I have strong memories of discussing Watergate and astronauts on the moon with my dad, as well as talking about the latest thing he'd read in his Bible. I was astonished too that they were not included in family discussions, not trusted to learn to handle money or jobs. I began to see at that early age that I had been incredibly gifted.
I was launched into life by my dad's example. He fiercely followed his gut instincts. He has not allowed conventional wisdom or stilted tradition to dictate his decisions. He was unafraid to pray and strike out in the direction he felt was revealed. He'd swim upstream if he had to. Time has proven his decisions correct to his many doubters, though it may have had unintended consequences. I'm his youngest and when in my first year of marriage, I moved halfway across the country, I saw it turn his face gray with worry. But he never said anything negative. Just, "If that's what you think you're supposed to do..." He visited my growing family often and was an enthusiastic supporter of our putting roots in a new place. He winters with me now in the warmth and all he ever says is, "I knew you'd do fine."
Lately, I've talked him into trying electric scooters and letting me take him places in a wheelchair. I think he's been surprised that he feels empowered by them instead of diminished. Surprised that using the assistance is allowing him to continue exploring life and learning instead of making him feel dependant. I hope so. It's hard on me to see him controlled by aging joints and muscles while his mind is still strong. Hard on him too.
I thought he'd live forever. In some ways, the gradual slowdown has been a blessing. It's opened my eyes that the end will come sooner rather than later, so I'm thinking of things I want to be sure to say to him while he's still here. He's been awkward in expressing his emotions, so for the last several years, I've been making a point of always saying "I love you" at the end of every phone call, hugging and kissing him at every parting. At first, this caused consternation on his part. Patting me on the shoulder, saying "Me too" and "Same here" on the phone. Gradually it has grown on him. Last week he volunteered, "I love you" first!
I dread our final parting. So I'm determined to have no regrets, he's not one for much sentiment but he's given me so many gifts. The life example, the faith in me, the faith in God, the adult friendship. I will honor him the very best way I can: by passing his example to my children, modeling for them as he did for me. Believing in them and launching them off to fulfill their life's purpose. That's what he would want.
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More commentsJean, Thank you for sharing this beautiful word picture of a daughter and her dad. In my own life and in the lives of many people I work with regularly, the picture is not so pretty. I rejoice with you in the blessings you have had and still have in an ever changing relationship with your Daddy. This article touched my heart.Dane, It was an honor for me to share about my dad. I knew when I was young that I had something special, but as I grow older, I see more and more how really rare it is and I find that sad. Thank you so much for your comments. Happy Father's Day to you!
Jean, I lost my father recently. He was 74 and suffered from cancer. Towards the end I grew more and more appreciative of my father. No child and parent has an absolutely perfect relationship. There are mistakes made on both sides but at this time there should be only good memories because any negative memories don't amount to a hill of beans. We pay tribute to what they have done for us. That is the way it should be and that is what you have done. Beautiful. Thanks for sharingDan, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. It is very meaningful to me that so many have been touched by this. You are so right about negative memories, I have such a different perspective on life as I get older and it's beginning to seem ridiculous to hold on to anything negative. I'd like to hear about your father sometime. Thanks again.
Jean, I love this article. I love the feelings that you are not afraid of sharing. Thanks so much. I was so touched by this wonderful tribute to your dad.Thank you so much, Jane. I appreciate that you took the time to read & comment. It means a lot to me. My dad is a great man.
Hi Jean, I am glad you have written about your Dad while he is still here. I write about my father who has been gone for five years and pray there is a way he knows how much I miss him and am trying to honor him with my writing. Enjoy the time you have with him. The time will come when you would give anything to have even five minutes with him - arthritis and all. You, like me, were truly blessed to be your father's daughter.Thanks for your wonderful and kind comments. I try to make the most of every chance I have to spend with my parents. They go back up north in the summer & come with me for the worst of the winters. Each time they leave I think about what I say to them so that I have no regrets. And yes, we are truly blessed!
Hi Jean, What a beautiful picture of your dad. I will keep all of your family in my prayers. Unfortunately, I never met my dad so when I read about other dads, I picture mine, maybe, being like that. The stories I have heard of him aren't too nice, but I can't judge since I've never seen him.I'll share my dad with you Michelle - I've shared him with lots of people! When I was growing up it was common for someone who needed an extra boost in life to be living with us - he's got a big heart! Feel free to imagine...
Jean! You compelled me and others to search for the good qualities our parents have which we tend to forget often. Wish if your father read this article of yours, he will be proud of you.Sorry! for the delay in my feedbacks. But I did enjoy your emotion for your dad.Thanks so much for reading and commenting! I appreciate your kind words & I'd love to hear about your parents some time.
Jean, I can't believe that this touched me the way that it did. Being a dad of 62 years old, and loving my children as I do, as well a my beautiful grandchildren, I am very touched how you honor your father, and how you recognize your growing up and his inspiration to you....About 6 years ago, I died on a operating table, while having a test where the shoot the dye into your veins, and I was on full life support for 4 days. My wife was in hysterics, understandably so, my kids came to see me two states away, and to this day, I will never forget their concern. They, like you to your father, are my life. They are why I am here....perhaps "unfinished business" perhaps just one of God's miracles, nevertheless, I have been great for the last 6 years after a double by pass, and God has not only blessed me with a wonderful family, like you are to your father, but he has also blessed me with some extra time with the ones I love. God Bless your love for your father, I will keep him in my prayers as well as you, to give you the strength to get through this. I just lost my mother, and I know what you are going through, enjoy him while you can, and obviously, I don't need to tell you this. Wonderful article....wonderful write....your friend in pen.......GaryGary,Thank you so much for reading and commenting on my article. This is probably the most personal thing I have ever written and made public. I still get teary when I reread it. I believe there is no way to overestimate the value of parental influence - especially fathers to daughters. I'm so glad it was meaningful to you too. May you have many more happy and blessed days among your loved ones!
Jean,Thank you so much for this article. I stumbled across it and one more time am reminded of how God works in all our lives. I say that because I am trying to compose an article about my in laws whom I love dearly and your article touched me so. Thank you for sharing. Sincerely, LInda DeWittThank you so much for your kind words, Linda. It means a lot to me that this article touches so many people. I look forward to reading about your in-laws!
This is a wondreful way to honour your father Jean and you are so wise in the way you are making the time count. I wish I'd made more time with my Granny in her last year. But there we are, it's too late for regrets. My father died when I was 10 years old, suddenly and I had no time to say goodbye, but two nights before I gave him a hug at his hospital bed and he gave me a ten pence piece. I remember standing at the hospital door before leaving contemplating going back in again, just for another hug, but I didn't. That has stayed with me for 37 years. And my mum wouldn't let me go to the funeral and he's buried in Norway and no one would tell me where when I went to visit, because they found it too upsetting with all the other older family member in the same plot. So, it was an abrupt ending. One that has taken it's toll on me quietly inside.So hearing this beautiful writing about your father brings home the importance of making the most of the special people in your life. Thank you for writing it. Your dad sounds like a wonderful father and someone to really treasure. What a kind, loving daughter you are Jean.
Bless you both,
ElfredaElfredaElfreda,
Thank you SO much for your kind words and comments about this article. This was one of the most personal pieces I ever wrote. Thank you for understanding. My dad is special and I am blessed to have him for my example!
Blessings to you and I hope you get to visit your dad's resting place some day.
Jean
Wow Babe, a year later your writing is even more meaningful. I've had great respect for this man since my teenage years. If I had as much gravel in my gut today as he has now in his 70's, I'd feel like I had accomplished something!
He has indeed been a great example of how to raise our kids.Thank you, Darling!
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